not in the mood.
not in the mood to do anything.

have been at home since friday afternoon.
really bored and stuff.
everyday msn, solitaire and TV.
when is things going to change??
totally no mood to do anything poductive.
not in the good mood.
havent be in a good mood for a week long.

ihavent been really happy for certain reason.
it seemed that there isnt any good reasonto be happy.
nothing seems to cheer me up these days.
not even new clothings that my mom bought me,
a short gathering with friends,
the extra holiday allowance or
a treat to eat sushi (i turned it down).
nothing. what can make me happy then?

is these sian-ness cause by those medications??
if yes, i dont want to take them anymore.
if no, then what's wrong with me?
issit like some sian-ness syndrome
that i'm suffering from?

this is what happen to people with
sian-ness syndrome(from beiyi):
This illness is called An Illness Due to Sianess (AIDS)
or STD, Sianess Transmitted Diesease.
Paitent who tranmitted this illness
will go around screaming SIAN!!!!!"
and typing lots of Sian in his sentences.

apparently if you think this is funny
then you should just get lost.
coz i take it quite seriously
and i think i have come to the last stage liao.
there's no cure for it.
dont know what can be done.

felt like some unknown princess
in these unknown fairytales
who nv smiled before for her whole life
and everyone is trying to make her happy.
but their hard work nv paid off at the end.
not only the ppl  ard her feel sad for
being unable to cheer her up,
but she herself feel even worse
becoz she made other feel sad too.

i dont know what i want to do.
i'm so tired and stuff.
i want to talk to people.
but i dont know who to call.
even when i know who to call,
i dont know what to talk.
even when i know what to talk,
i dont know will i be happy.
even if i know that i will be happy,
i dont know how long will this happiness last.

maybe i shall let things remain as the same  
instead of feeling the emptiness later and
thinking of how to fill it up.
for after all, it cannot be cured.